We've come back home to MN (my parents' house). "Home" is a funny word when you don't technically have one. Florida started to feel like home. Being back with my parents feels like home. Surrounded by our stuff feels like home. Matt misses his family, his "home". We looked at pictures recently of our old/first apartment and missed "home".This morning Matty and I skipped church with my parents and did our own version of "church". No formula, no duties, no set up and take down, no countdown clock and ear buds, no pastor.
Matty prepared some songs on his keyboard and I barely got the first line of singing when i began to sob. (how i truly feel worship)
I feel like the "home" i truly miss the most is the "presence of God". In these last few months i've feared the distane and in turn feared God- coming to the conclusion that God is somehow mad at me. That the desires of my heart are sinful and self serving and therefore God is distant. And mostly that God no longer cares or loves me.
Satan is trying to to keep me from "home".
I am learning what the calling of my heart was in leaving Chicago for this year. It was to escape my "God routine".
Then we sang the song "God is Here". and i cried even more. God IS Here.
and when i leave MN - God is Here.
and when i get assigned to my ship - God is Here.
and when i am surrounded by doubt - God is Here.
and when i feel so far away from home - God is Here.
amen.
I completely understand how you feel about "home" and definitions of home. Even now being in DC is home because Dave is here - yet it is hard to consider it home because Dave is the only one here. I hope that you cherish your current home - with Matt and your parents.
ReplyDeleteThroughout all trials and successes...God is here. God is banging on the door of your heart, asking to be let in....begging you to hear him. God is closer to you now more than ever...cause he's shaking you awake - trying to love and talk to you. HOME is there Thulsons...
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